The virtues of air conditioning and my great battle with an evil nest of hornets

The hellish heat of summer can suck the life out of anyone, even the undead!

Good evening friends,

You might have noticed that my content flow has slowed recently. Until today, I could not figure out why. My brain has been in a slow haze, and I did not realize that it was the heat that was causing it. I have never been someone who can write when it is very warm, I require cooler temperatures, or I become sluggish and slow as a snail.

I have two small air conditioners in my apartment. When the heat first began to hit, I put one in the kitchen area. I wanted to keep the electric bill down, so I thought I would try to use just one. Well, it did not work in the least. My living room today soared to 82 degrees with the kitchen air conditioner on high.

Realizing that I had been a fool, I prepared to put the other air conditioner in the living room window. I opened my curtain and was about to open the window when I realized there was a hornet’s nest up in the corner! And there were about 20 hornets crawling around on it. I could not place the air conditioner there safely with those things buzzing around.

I became thoroughly irritated by these intrusive little busy bodies, and smacked the window with my hand in a fit of undead rage. Well, that set them off! The little buggers went crazy! But, alas for them, I was safe behind the glass of the window. Still, I would not have wanted to have a batch of those things pissed off and flying at me, even the undead can feel the sting of a hornet!

As I stood in front of the window, I began plotting their downfall and my own triumph over them. I raced to the bathroom, located a can of RAID under the bathroom sink, and began smiling and laughing to myself: MUHUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DEATH IS COMING FOR YOU BEES!!!!!! 😈

I went into the kitchen and opened the door to the porch. Cautiously, I peered out and could see the nest about three feet away. I raised the can of RAID and opened fire on the little bastards! I soaked the nest and all the bees on it thoroughly before stepping back and shutting the door, lest a stray hornet looking for revenge find me.

Amusingly, a few minutes later, I was looking out and saw a hornet fly onto the nest. He stayed there for a few seconds before belatedly realizing he had flown into the middle of a hornet genocide. He took off like a bat out of hell and flew straight off my porch and out into the world. He likely got covered with RAID when he landed, so I suspect he is with Lucifer now. Hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets all go straight to hell when they die, the nasty things!

Anyway, I got the AC in the window and am now cooling off my apartment. By the time I go to bed later tonight, I hope to have it down around 70 degrees. That should help me sleep, as I cannot sleep well in the heat either. I simply am not made for such high temperatures, it sucks the life right out of me, and I can barely remain awake, even after three cups of coffee.

I tell you this tale tonight to explain why my writing has been off lately. I’ve had things I wanted to write about, but when I sat down to do them, I felt like going to sleep. I could not concentrate on anything, and it all seemed to be beyond my mental reach. It was sort of like what happened with Frodo and his companions when they encountered Old Man Willow in the Old Forest. The heat has the same effect on me that Old Man Willow’s song had on Frodo and his friends.

Well, that is all for now, my friends. I hope you are all having a good evening and that you have been able to stay out of the heat. Next year, I assure you that both air conditioners will go into the windows at the same time.

And the hornets? Today’s lot was sent off to hell, but I have plenty of RAID left for next year should the little bastards show up again! MUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! 😈

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