47 Comments
Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Re-reading this, Morgthorak, and although you appear well-protected, I wanted to offer this: my brother had a paper route in the early 60's, and had occasional trouble with dogs (probably always the same ones?). He was a target, riding his bike. My father recommended that he carry a squirt-gun filled with ammonia, and direct this at the dog's eyes. And just in case you dog-lovers out there get upset by this I will state: if your dog is vicious--that's your fault and it's also your responsibility to keep him from attacking people. If he does so attack, he deserves whatever he gets.

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author

I thank you for your kind concern and feedback. However, I do not wish to use ammonia on dogs. It could result in serious, life-altering injuries for them were it to hit them in the eyes. Pepper spray is quite bad enough for them, though I am thankful I have never had to use it on a dog, and I hope I never do.

Sting is my first line of defense, and it is a formidable one. No dog likes it or can tolerate its noise when the stun button is pushed. If that should fail to stop a dog, I also have my pepper spray and the undisclosed tool.

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Sep 28Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

You are good to respond. Pepper spray makes sense—I am using 90000 SKU cayenne in the anti-deer spray I make—having investigated and discovered that the tr-geminal nerve (I believe it’s this one) of all mammals is terribly sensitive to capsaicin.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Well said!

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Great essay! I like that you changed things up a bit and shared some of your other life experiences with us. I used to take insurance policy pictures for State Farm, I never got attacked by a dog, thankfully. It was always a little nerve wracking showing up at a person’s house on a cold call. I respect your dogged, pardon the pun, professionalism. It would be tough to remain polite and professional in such circumstances.

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Thank you, Simon, I'm glad you liked it. Also glad you didn't get nailed by a dog while doing policy work.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Keepers they were some close calls...and you have saintly patience by the sound of it. I know a couple of people well who are in your line of work, and they would never take any chances with dogs. Neither would they be as polite with idiot owners as you sound. Hats off to you for doing a professional job at all times even when highly irresponsible customers put you in danger. Glad you are tooled up well at all times. Fun piece. Those Chihuahuas are little sods :)

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Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I am glad you enjoyed the article. Your friends are wise not to take chances, far too many drivers have been seriously injured or killed by dogs.

Yes, I must be professional outwardly, but if you could read my thoughts you would find a great deal of profanities flowing through my mind. 😉

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I installed cable TV back in the day, climbing telephone poles and stuff. Once a kid in a wealthy neighborhood decided to sic his pit bull on me while I was climbing a ladder. My only handy tool was a ballpeen hammer. I poked the dog with it and got it to back off without having to split its skull open, which I would have done if it had lunged again. It did, however, have quite a headache.

Another time I was a cable locator, you know, the people with the orange paint and flags? I was ambushed by a huge Rottweiler that had been trained to wait in the back yard and silently attack any intruder. That one got spray-painted orange, and the owners had quite the vet bill they sent to my employer, who refused to pay because they hadn't locked up their dog.

I really learned to appreciate cats on that job.

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I am glad you were not seriously injured by the pit bill. They are formidable dogs, and should never be taken lightly. That dog paid a necessary price for its impudence, and I hope it remembered what happened to it.

Also glad about the rotweiller and screw the owners. The stupid fools should have known better, but as with so many dog owners, they are blind to the threats their dog poses to others. Well, fair enough, but two can play at that game. Send your dog out to deliberately attack someone and your dog might end up six feet under, depending on who is the one dealing with it.

Yes, cats are no trouble at all for drivers. I run into a fair number of them and they behave themselves very well. When a dog gets into a fight with a cat, I root for the cat. 😉

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

I work in utilities. Don't get me started on dogs lol. A coworker stuck on a pole had to call the police one time because two dogs were circling the pole. I was working storm damage recently in an alley late at night. I had to get some tools out of a bin. As soon as I opened the door, two pit bulls jumped at the fence behind me in the frenzied way that only pit bulls do. Yeah fun times.

I'm glad you've remained unscathed in your "adventures." Good tools that you've adopted; Sting is badass. My employer would frown greatly upon Sting. I'm pushing it with a 3" spring knife but then again a line hammer fixes a lot of ills.

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Be extremely careful of pit bulls and fences. There was one driver who had his lip bitten off by a pit bull that jumped a fence. I have dealt with dogs and low fences, you must assume the dog can get over the fence. Never take chances.

I had a situation where I pulled up a driveway and there was a high fence with a large, nasty dog behind it. However, when I got near the house, I found the other part of the fence was quite low and it was near the door. I took one look at it and left the package at the garage.

In order to put the package at the door, I would have had to walk past the low fence, and turn my back to it! No way! That dog was huge and likely could have climbed or jumped or whatever and gotten over that fence.

I do not take such chances for a package, the package gets dumped wherever I can put it safely.

Regarding your employer, if you feel comfortable, point out that if he forbids self-defense tools to his employees, then he should brace himself for a lawsuit if someone is killed or injured because of his stupidity. Or just send him an anonymous email from a throwaway account with a link to this article. Should he show up in the comments, I will deal with him myself and he will understand why people need tools to defend themselves from certain dogs and certain idiots who own them.

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Sep 28Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

We have "dog spray" but I've never seen it tested and won't bet my life on it. As for my employer, the HR harpies are too busy worrying about what ethnic celebration month it is or DEI/ESG virtue signaling to invest much thought into real world situations. I think a Sting lookalike would probably slide in a "begging for forgiveness" situation. See it's a flashlight, damnit.

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Yeah, I can see the need for it in that kind of situation for sure. As long as it looks like a flashlight, I don’t think they’re gonna say anything to you, most of them are going to know that it has a stunt on it.

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That should read aren’t going to know

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They have stun batons in different sizes. Some of them are much smaller than Sting. So you could, in fact, likely get away with calling it a flashlight.

See this one: https://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/collections/stun-batons/products/safety-tech-gator-led-stun-gun-baton-12m

It's only about 13 inches long. And it looks like a big flashlight.

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Sep 29Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

If I can use it as a baton too, I'm sold! That looks sweet. The pit bull is super popular with a certain group in Baltimore and let's just say fence maintenance is low on the priority list for the homies.

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Sep 29Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

When you used Sting, the dog likely heard the capacitor in the circuit charging up! When the capacitor reaches charge, your zzzzttt is ready to go!

The only time I was ever able to hear that was during one of my electronics labs, and the room has to be really quiet.

Sorry for nerding out. Glad you were ok!

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I do not know, Patrick, but I was glad it heard something! Ha ha ha! 🤣

As long as it stops his charge, it's all good.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Thanks for this account of dog situations you should never have had to face. I can relate! Gratuitous attacks have left me utterly terrified of dogs. They can smell my fear and it drives them into a frenzy. The owners are just as you describe, clueless about the dogs’ dangerousness, lackadaisical about restraining them, and unapologetic, as if dog attacks fall like rain from the sky instead of resulting from human carelessness.

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I am sorry to hear that you have been attacked. It can be a traumatizing experience. I recommend that you visit the site I linked to, here is the link again:

https://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/

A stun baton of some kind, coupled with pepper spray will give you tools to use if you are attacked again. There are also other non-lethal items there you can buy.

If you are going to walk in public parks, etc. I recommend having tools with you. The sound of a stun baton alone is daunting to most dogs as I noted in my article.

Good luck out there, safe travels to you wherever your journey takes you.

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Sep 28Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Thank you!!!

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

I put "other" on both survey questions.

you mentioned the type a couple times in the article.

breed is irrelevant when a dog is 1) untrained and 2) doesn't respond to the owner's demands. those are indeed the potential Servants of Evil.

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That is true, but I had to include breeds in the poll, otherwise there wouldn't have been much to vote for, right?

And some types are historically more dangerous than others, pit bulls being at the top of the list. The statistics on them are quite awful, though they certainly aren't alone in committing attacks on humans.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

dawg + road = trouble

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I certainly feel for delivery peeps and what they have to put up with. I just make sure I’m home, thank them and usually tip a five (I know it’s not much but it’s given with gratitude).

Our mailman didn’t even know I had a dog for weeks until he saw us out walking. My pooch sleeps behind the door so the mail drops on him and wakes him up. Still doesn’t bark.

Min-Pins are the worst for attitude and viciousness. I’ve had them come at me in my own backyard and bite at my jeans. Told the owner I’d punt them into next week with him following if he didn’t control those little fuckers.

Chihuahuas are the next.

I really don’t like small dogs.

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That is very kind of you to tip and thank drivers. I have never been tipped as a driver, though I have had people offer drinks and food. I always appreciate it, even if I've already eaten.

I am glad your dog is well behaved, that speaks well of you as a care-giver and as the alpha of your dog.

Yes, the little monsters are just that: little monsters. Bossy, nasty things sometimes, filled with malice. They are cunning little demons and should never be taken lightly, though there are some sweet ones as well so I won't condemn them all.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Sounds like a lot of close calls! Glad you made it unscathed.

I used to accompany my husband when he was dashing and thankfully, he had very few instances with dogs. Only once did he ever really have a problem. The house he was delivering to had a chain link fence all the way around, including the front of the house. As my husband was opening the gate to go up the walk to the front porch, the customer opened his front door and his dog went running out barking. As my husband is trying to close the gate in front of him the guy yells, "He won't bite!" This is a total lie because the dog manages to scrape it's teeth along my husband's finger as he's trying to hold the gate closed so the dog can't get out to him. It all happened so fast I didn't even know what to do. It could have been much worse. I think any delivery service should have somewhere where drivers can leave notes about a customer in cases where they have dogs but don't keep them under control.

The only dog I can really remember being afraid of was my cousin’s dog. I think it was a chow chow, but it was so many years ago I can't really remember. She always had to be present if you went out to the backyard because that dog was mean.

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What you just said has happened to many delivery drivers. One of the most dangerous moments a driver can face is if a customer opens the door as the package is being put down. Dogs will sometimes charge out at the delivery driver, and some will bite before the owner is even aware of what is happening.

I do NOT like it when someone opens a door during a delivery. Stay in the house and let the driver finish the delivery, then pick the package up after he is back in his vehicle. In my case, I have Sting with me and so if I am charged, the dog is going to get zapped if he attempts to come within bite range. Multiple dogs will receive Sting and pepper spray, and if I am forced to it, the undisclosed tool.

Thank you for your kind words, we do go through a lot sometimes just to bring people their packages. I am sorry to hear about what happened to your husband, but it is typical, alas. Many drivers have been bitten right after a dog owner says "he'll just lick you to death." This is why I do not leave my vehicle with loose dogs around. The package is dumped wherever I can put it, out the window of my vehicle or out a door or however I can do it. The customer can pick it up in the driveway if they have to do so.

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

When the owner says “they won’t bite”, what they mean is they won’t bite me but they will tear your balls off.

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An accurate assessment!

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Congrats on your dogged persistence in the face of canine chompers. If you ask me, either control your dogs, or walk out to the property line for the packages. If it's allowed, a little door for the delivvery guy to get under.

Especially in the post-pandemic everything-by-delivery world, taking care of the delivery guys is a big deal.

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Before I forget, I had yet another dog owner who refused to put his dog away. I asked politely and respectfully as the dog was large enough to be a concern and was near my door growling and barking.

Do you know how he reacted? He became angry and ordered me to leave his property and for another driver to be sent to bring his packages! So I said "yes sir" and backed my vehicle out of his driveway and took off. I dumped his packages back at the depot the next day and that was the end of it for me. I imagine somebody else took them the next day and perhaps the idiot owner and dog were not out in the yard.

What these stupid people do not understand is that I personally do not care if they don't accept their packages. That is not my problem. Bad behavior on their part gets reported to cover my ass, and then their packages get dumped back at the depot. Oh well, whatever! 😂

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I had one asshole dog owner who had two medium sized dogs loose in his yard. I asked him politely twice to put the dogs in the house. He refused and demanded that I get out of my vehicle to give him his package. His package was HUGE and I could not hand it through the window.

I backed my vehicle up and went back up the drive way. I got about 10 feet away, took the package out, scanned it, and was putting it at the end of his driveway when he saw me and started walking toward me. He said "I don't want that there." I replied "Sorry sir, gotta go!" and I jumped into my vehicle and sped off. I reported him for his behavior, but the package got delivered, and I did not get bitten.

Do you see what assholes some of these people are? As though I offended him because I would not take the risk of getting bitten by his dogs? Screw him. He got his damned package and I protected myself from a possible attack. Both of those dogs were near my door and were barking and growling. As I would be stupid enough to leave the safety of my vehicle and risk a bite for an asshole and his package? 🙄

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Great story

Now I’m dying to know the nature of the undisclosed weapon. I’m going to guess a bladed weapon rather than a firearm. Maybe a krambit bc they’re cooler than traditional knives. You don’t need to answer.

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It must remain undisclosed, but there are a number of possibilities. Given my penchant for LOTR names, I have toyed with calling it "Glamdring" or perhaps "Orcrist." 😂

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Sep 28Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Aye perhaps a kris

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Maybe! 😉

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

I'm putting this one in the "must read" queue for later. I'm positive that it'll be worthwhile. Just sayin' because I might get distracted by the time I remember to and didn't acknowledge that I read it with a like or commentary. ✌️

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Thank you for your service.

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HA HA HA!!! Good one! 👍🏻

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🤨 🙄

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Sep 27Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

Guess I’m one of the bad ones. One of the most painful injuries I ever had was a dog bite to the hand. A close friend ended up being hospitalized and nearly dying. I was sent to her house to get her show dogs, ankle biter types. They had been cooped up for several days and had run out of food and water. It was chaos trying to catch them, and one bit the shit out of my hand. I got a rabies shot to boot.

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He just posted another nasty message, and I banned and blocked him. All of his comments were removed too. I do not know why these people think they can come into a community and spew their venom. 🙄

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Sep 28Liked by Morgthorak the Undead

There’s some real weird folks out there. I guess they figure negative attention is still attention.

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Well he is gone now and he is not coming back. So good riddance. Perhaps he will learn to be more polite with other people.

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Sorry to hear that, those little things can be surprisingly vicious.

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